Is there interest in your life?

So where are we now? - June and the weather is as shit as my general mood these days. This year has thus far seemed to be a downer; work, home life, earnings and social life not quite fulfilling whatever need or restlessness that is growing within me.

Maybe I should forget the thought that in the second half of my life I can have the luxury of waiting for people to impress me, after trying thus far to get-on with others (by trying to impress them?). Perhaps I should come to terms with the fact that the vast majority of people just do not give a toss about anything, or anyone, beyond their nose end; their sheer laziness is the reason that nothing appears to be satisfying me at the moment and that my earlier, perhaps delusional life, is the one that "suits" me best.

I was the nice guy; the guy who gave ground, the guy who ran around after others, the guy who desired interaction, feigned interest in strangers, while wishing to serve, as if to affirm my place in the scheme of things; when in reality I am a servant to my own life, possibly blinkering myself to the truth of life by "being busy". Fuck me - I feel miserable right now (Thanks Morrissey).

OK,

don't cry for me (Argentina),
'cos I've never loved you,
you do not know me,
you are just a reader,
a faceless party,
to witness boredom ....

Someone (dad the wise old bugger) once said to me that life is like a bank account - you have to put something in to get some interest out and that the more you put in the more you will get back, but that the real trick is to find "banks" (people) that are best for you, whose interest is high or closest to that you desire.

I am gonna switch to "banks" who are trying to be more nice to people, rather then just staying in my bed whenever possible to avoid a wrongly perceived assumption that people offer me nothing, so I offer them nothing.

I still feel miserable, but hopefully things may soon feel better. The poetry "gig" seems to be progressing and gives some satisfaction, my wife will soon be home from overseas and I might just get to spend some of my wage this month before others do it for me.

Bye for now - I'll be back........

11th Oct 2018 - should have got off your arse and stopped feeling sorry for yourself earlier boy!

Try this ....

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