Truism (regarding personal debt)

Debt is like cheap jewellery as it glitters for a while but no-one wants it from around your neck.

Personal thought - This is another from my dad's compendium of advice (to me)  about living a good life. 

Patrick McCreesh and his kind

S C U M  ?

Shut the fuck up McCreesh and pay.

Stop trying to raise money from other saps and pay,

for the whiff of a Ponzi scheme is now strong.

Use your own money or get a loan 

or ask that scammer friend of yours (Phillip Nunn)

or get your parasitic Surge friends to help you, 

but grow a pair and pay.

When your life starts going wrong, 

as it will, 

think of us fools awaiting our payments.

N.B. Scammers Phillip Nunn and Patrick McCleash masterminded the £80m Blackmore Bond and Blackmore Global Fund pensions and investments scams.

The not so honourable Phillip Nunn

UPDATE: Feb 1st 2020 - He/they didn't pay again (for the 3rd time) - where are you FSA, you toothless bunch of 'slickers.

UPDATE: Feb 19th 2020 - He is a busy boy

On 2019-12-20 17:01, Blackmore Support wrote:

Dear Bondholder

I wanted to take this opportunity to update you on the good progress we are making with our projects (please see attached report).

We are starting to see the rewards of all the hard work on our projects and will be paying the outstanding interest as soon as possible.

We are hopeful that we remain on track to pay the January interest on the due date.

We are continuing to develop our online client portal area, and, as a part of this development, we are also creating a phone app to allow for easier access to your account. This is planned for release in the first quarter of 2020.

Once again please accept my sincere apologies for any inconvenience or distress the late payment of your interest may have caused you, but allow me to re-iterate once again that our model remains strong and we look forward to a more positive 2020 now that the political uncertainty has eased, with all the forecasts for the property market looking to improve significantly after the recent election.

Please note that our offices will be closed from 20 December to 3rd January.

Best wishes

Patrick McCreesh
CEO Blackmore Bonds

UPDATES FOR THOSE THAT CARE ANYMORE:

Not fit in 2016 yet FCA / FSA let him rob us

Financial Conduct Authority found to be inept in this case ....

Nov 2024 - the FCA still deemed incompetent by MPs - why are they protected?

Two crooks? !!

UPDATE: Oct 30th 2020 - Still no (nor ever will be) returned money. I have received plenty of pages of waffle from the appointed receivers yet none from the Financial Services Authority (FSA) and the penny has dropped for me because of the Blackmore fiasco. 

RECEIVERS ARE CALLED RECEIVERS BECAUSE THEY RECEIVE ANY RESIDUAL VALUE IN A COMPANY; THEY HOLLOW OUT COMPANIES BY FINANCIAL FILIBUSTERING THAT ONLY CONCLUDES WITH THE CESSATION OF THE FLOW OF RESIDUAL FUNDS TO THEMSELVES. THEIR JOB IS THAT OF A VULTURE: TO ASSET-STRIP THE WARM  BODY OF A COMPANY AND HAND BACK WORTHLESS DRY BONES OF DASHED HOPE TO THE INVESTORS. GOOD JOB EH?

UPDATE: Sep 6th 2022 -  BBC Panorama TV report

Bastard scammers one and all ...

Riad Salameh

MISS ME A LITTLE BUT LET ME GO*

I have come to the end of my journey
and the sun has set for me,
but I want no rites in a gloom filled room;
why cry for my soul set free?
Miss me a little please
but not for long with heads bowed,
remember my love or friendship
and smile though I’m not around.
Take care of yourselves my friends,

may your care of others abound;

take time to reflect upon the Earth

and what you leave to be found.

* My eulogy to sister-in-law Susan Fewster; inspired by an original from    Christina Georgina Rossetti

Christina Georgina Rossetti

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me

I want no rites in a gloom-filled room

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little - but not for too long

And not with your head bowed low

Remember the love that we once shared

Miss me - but let me go

For this is a journey that we all must take

And each must go alone.

It's all part of the Master's plan

A step on the road to home

When you are lonely and sick of heart

Go to the friends we know

And Bury your sorrows in doing Good deeds

Miss me but let me go.

Wed 12th Aug 2020: I came across more to the original poem ...

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free

I'm following paths God made for me.

I took his hand, I heard him call

Then turned, and bid farewell to all.

I could not stay another day

To laugh, to love, to sing, to play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way

I found my peace at close of day.

And if my parting left a void

Then fill it with remembered joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Ah yes, these thing I too will miss.

Be not burned deep with sorrow

My life's been full I've savoured much.

Good friends, good times

A loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me

God wants me now - He set me free.

PERSONAL COMMENT

Wow, I can see why the shortened version of this poem is commonly cited, for the first 4 verses distil the whole poem into a desire to be remembered, expressed with humility.

The "extra" verses give rise to the thought that more is somehow less: too much pathos in this remembrance "cake" and too much indulgence by the poet who appears (to me) to have stopped talking to her friends and set about "bigging herself up" with grandiose words, such as

I'm following paths God made for me

Tasks left undone must stay that way

And if my parting left a void

Be not burned deep by sorrow

God wants ME !

BREXIT FLAG

BREXIT  Brexit  Brexit GREXIT Grexit Grexit BREXIT NEWS 

I have tweaked an old nationalistic poem of mine to comment about the UK's impending departure from the EU (European Union), formerly the EC (European Community), the EEC (European Economic Community) and the ECM (European Common Market); each possibly unintended steps toward a "Euroland" stabilised by the mighty financial muscles in Berlin.

The UK will eventually leave the EU without a meaningful deal (for any jurisdiction) and "pain" will be felt by many (though stresses and strains are more likely), before a new paradigm evolves, probably as a result of multinational traders dictating terms to a  political oligarchy that will oversee a "Euro" oligopoly. 

There will be some anger and pettiness and (French) pedantic behaviours (as seems usual), but life will go on, though the departure of the UK may be a catalyst of further change, with EU countries reviewing what they want from their membership (fee); especially Eire who may decide to follow the UK when told to construct a border regime because the UK never will (it did!), thereby compromising their 90% export trade with the UK. Belgium may also wish to review their percentage of UK bound exports.

Anyway, enough of me rattling on. 

Good luck Europe and for the good of Germany, do not implode!

UPDATE (26th April 2021) - Well! The UK seems to be doing OK without the protective arms of the EU trying to crush us with their political polemic and though there are still outstanding contractual contributions to our old "club" (until 2060?) our world has not fallen in; food still arrives, medicines are not scarce (nor Covid-19 vaccinations!) and the anti-brexit naysayers have finally shut-up. There are niggles of course, with more to come probably, but I think the EU apparatchiks (for the EU is seemingly being run as a communistic centralised control exercise) are getting our message at last: We bear you no ill-will but we have to go our own way now. 

UPDATE (11th Jun 2021) - President Biden warned Prime Minister Boris Johnson about not upsetting Northern Irish people with regard to the infamous "Brexit Border Problem", but a newly elected NI party leader told him (Biden) to keep his nose out of their issues and to clear off! 

How did the UK let themselves be railroaded into this poorly conceived  "agreement"? (The same one Boris "the bumbler" Johnson ousted the then UK Prime Minister Teresa May over.)

Prior to Brexit, why didn't we ask the EU how it protects its far-flung borders from illegal or "tariff" imports AND THEN ASK THEM HOW THEY PROPOSED TO PROTECT THEIR NEWLY ACQUIRED FAR-FLUNG BORDER WITH NORTHER IRELAND?

My point is, why are we the UK having to do the work the EU should be doing. THEY (the EU) should be telling their member (Eire) to monitor their (the EUs) border. Not us in the UK;  it should never be a problem for mainland UK to trade with ANY of its member states and the EU should be doing their job from their side of the "Irish Border" .

UPDATE (7th Feb 2025) - The bottom hasn't fallen out everyone's life in the UK, as doom-mongers predicted, and the economy has not imploded; indeed by many reported criteria the UK is holding up as good as or better than our ex EU partners. The "promise" of border security has not happened however and literally millions of new illegal foreigners seem to think this is their new home, whilst the huge amounts of money we'd save by being outside of Europe seems to have been a lie. That said, Europe is struggling and yet Prime Minister Starmer wants the UK back in (on their terms only no doubt), which is a bit like leaving a small seaworthy life-raft for a larger one that is sinking. Not much sense in that I'd say.

BREXIT FLAG

I saw our flag

flapping and stuttering against its pole.

I saw our flag straining,

writhing and contorting

in a wind of change.

I saw the pole unbending.

Dogmatic in its stance,

leashing and lashing the flag

that gently stroked with fraying edges

its master's stand.

I saw our flag,

with a forced embrace,

envelop the greasy pole

and then, as if to retain dignity,

I saw it fall.

That flag caressed my soul,

but I saw a truth profound

as I picked it from the ground;

for there was a hole through which all could pass,

to corrode us from inside.

Our flag had lost its heart,

but we have found our heart.

At the foot of our Brexit pole.

PATRIOTISM Patriot PATRIOTIC ImmigRENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU B rexitb, BREXIT,Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF LaffingBREXIT Leaving Europe Bye to Europe BYE  BYE  CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

No To Melrose Industries And GKN

Melrose Industries want GKN, no doubt because of its eventual break-down price, and will rely on shareholder greed to facilitate this. They appear to be a parasitic money-grubbing enterprise, that in decades past would have been called asset-strippers.

I say no to Melrose.

I say no to the breakup of GKN; a profitable UK manufacturer we will need post Brexit.

I say no to the greed of parasitic asset strippers.

UPDATE (19/01/2018):
"Melrose is poised to offer to funnel £1bn into GKN's pension fund in a last-ditch attempt to win its £8.1bn bid for the engineering giant".

- " Offer"? - Of course they will eventually do that. Surely?
- This sounds a bit like Kraft taking over Cadburys in the UK.
- Promises are cheap and often forgotten and this bribe to the workers is cheap.

UPDATE (28/03/2018):
Bye-bye GKN? (stupid government?) ...

UPDATE (30/03/2018):
GKN "succumed" to hostile Melrose bid.
- UK government confirmed as spineless.
- UK politicians traitors to British industrial global reach.
- Is UK run by a bunch of self-serving, infighting wastrels?
- Good luck GKN workers, you will need it.
Too little, too late (as ever) ...
The vultures have arrived and the goverment dithers ...

UPDATE (25/11/2018):
I knew this would happen - the rape of mother GKN begins...

UPDATE (23/02/2019):
View the ongoing story by the BBC...

God's Own County

For those of my readers who have, as yet, been unable to visit this part of the world, let me introduce you to a few shortcuts to enlightenment and the thought that if you are unable to get here, to Yorkshire, you may enjoy some of these images....

Telegraph's Expert Guide To Yorkshire.

Whitby14 (Facebook)

Whitby14 (Website)

Adore The Lovely Unloved

Reflections Of Hull

Broadband perfection in Hull

Some Noteworthy Churches In God's Own County

David Hockney's Retreat - The Vast Skies Of Yorkshire

East Yorkshire

On The Hockney Trail

Picturesque Coastal Villages Of Yorkshire

Walking In East Yorkshire

Pictures Of The Yorkshire Wolds And East Riding

Can ya speak Ull?

Beaches galore

DEDICATED TO ME

I have been low of late, ironically triggered (I think) by my "official" retirement, as if part of me is lost forever; but I know that being mostly silent and in bed again is stupid.

In the old days I would often write in the third-person, to not acknowledge myself to others, but here I've reworked an old poem to acknowledge myself to me: "DEDICATED TO T.P." (That Person) has become "DEDICATED TO ME"….

DEDICATED TO ME

This night is as quiet as me,

as cool as my feeling inside,

and the skies as clear as free space

in my thoughtless apathy.

My warm bed is protection,

wombed from the world

in fragile contentment,

but as a child is born,

expelled to the world

and struggles to survive,

I will be reborn;

as surely as nature's inevitability,

alive or stillborn,

and must develop

in my eiderwomb,

if I am not to die. 

Back to the original version ...

LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

Lest We Forget

http://laurenceaux.blogspot.co.uk/2010/11/oh-what-lovely-war.html

LIFE?

Life is but a period of grace and best at a leisurely pace.

#PIZZAGATE Is A Hoax - Voodoo Is Not

https://laurenceaux.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/blackest-of-hearts.html

Truism (for social survival)

Lying greases the wheels of society but you don't want to smell of it. 

(Seemingly now the Russian political mantra)

Personal thought - To tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is not necessarily conducive to social survival. Ask any whistleblower, unsatisfied sexual partner, politician, news reporter ....

Read full article via this link

ANOTHER PROPHECY

My last post skirted a work related prophecy, which reminded me of a heartfelt prophecy within a poem I wrote in the early 80's. Written at the start of a relationship, as a predictive "warning" to us both, it proved me to be clairvoyant....

PROPHECY

(The Meet .....)
The warm of expression
you share with me
is the fear of loneliness
forever to be.

The tenderness we show
is our dream of compassion,
escape from our lives
automaton fashioned.

Fragile, desiring,
needing to touch,
be careful my friend
lest we desire too much.

(The Middle.....)
We give too much,
too much of everything
to hide our sorrow,
to keep us together
we give to the exclusion of others,
giving what little we have
to deny inadequacy,
to delay our loneliness for one more day;
but caressing the hallow relationship
we cry with fear.

(The End.....)
Frustration is the enemy,
the lack of conversation
the lack of substance
in the indolent marriage,
two strangers
cross-talking help,
unable to take or receive
so hard do they try to give;
until there is no-one.

(The Epitaph.....)
Give but take
loving or annoyed,
talk but listen
and discover yourselves!LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

A Swansong For Jeremy

I have had only 3 employers in my whole life, for which I am grateful and proud; I have been lucky.

There has been a formative 2 year introduction to the world in a paint factory, 23 years in I.T. with the second largest FMHG manufacturer in the world and, latterly, 12 years in I.T. with an English local government organisation: the miserable side of employment, the enlightening side of employment, then the stultifying.

An occasional “fact” of my working history endures, for whenever a “need” for major change commences, whether it be the literal decimation of staff to introduce automation, or to boost profits through standardised globalisation (several times), or to slash costs by merging 2 (or more?) local government organisations, there has always been a catalyst for change: a hate figure, a chop-man, a lying parasitic bastard akin to a Judas sheep (“follow me; for if we go forward together this will not hurt”); you know - the person who changes job every couple of years.

One such we called “PB” (psycho-bitch). One bloke “speedboat”, for he went through departments leaving a bow wave that capsized morale and undermined the banks of operational support within that organisation; then there was Jeremy, a real name and a real shit-sucker who rightly acquired the mockingly accurate moniker of “Jerenemy”, for he truly was yer enemy.

Now, once again, I am passing through a “need” for change, but this time to save money, to pay off government debt. I will not name our current chop-man, but for those who may follow this blog, here’s an old poem of mine that once circulated via numerous notice boards….

A SWANSONG FOR JEREMY

Dear Jeremy,

what can be said?

you got a department

to shoot in the head,

but the ropes of support

that held "I.T." in place,

soon dropped their load

to splash back in your face.

Like a 10 second surgeon

with blood on your hands,

you've cut off the legs

upon which you stand,

for the droves of staff

that raced past your door,

were a team of professionals

that kept you off the floor.

Not for much longer

will this go on,

we'll continue to leave,

one by one,

and a time will come

when we are no more:

a time not far off,

when you'll see your door.

LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

The Pen Of A Woman

I was trawling through eBay and came across this on a "ME" page of an obviously exasperated seller, who seems to have vented her feelings about a sale gone bad. Poor Ian .......

From: Linda

To: ianrosswalker@*************.com

Sent: Friday, April 08, 2011 1:05 AM

Subject: Re: AS REQUESTED .....

It is indeed a pity you do not recognise that some of us have shift-work jobs that occasionally mean we work long hours, meaning we sleep rather then sit and wait for email.

Do you have any friends and do you hate women?

I have never come across such a cheap-skate chiselling person as you before, but I am now pretty sure that though you appear OK "on the surface" you are actually a right skin-flint.

But don't worry! - I have your cheque and I just ripped it in half. Please keep the records for free. I hope that upon playing each of them, all 18 of them, you are reminded of the disgraceful way you are behaving about "saving" £2.10.

I recognise that even though you refused to pay the legally accepted (by your bids) £27 postage, I am obviously in the wrong. That you then chiselled me down to £7 postage which I charged, thereby saving you £20 (and losing me £20), again, makes me in the wrong. I am obviously wrong again about the actual costs of getting the records to you for £7; the fact that the stamps alone cost £4.90 and that the packaging and on-costs account for the rest (£2.10) is not obviously allowed to register in your world. £2.10 has paid for a dedicated (re-usable) plastic box, (not some crappy old ex-crisp box), tape to seal it securely, interleaving to stop the singles rubbing against each other in transit and, most expensively, petrol to get your package to the post office and me home again.

I am selling singles to make much needed money, though you seem to believe, MR IAN WALKER, that I am merely the peasant who should offer my time and services on the basis of being a personal charity worker for the mighty MR IAN WALKER. Shame on you.

You truly seem to be a bit of an arse-hole - the bit where the shit comes out of.

Please enjoy the records but refrain from bidding on any of my future items as my goodwill is obviously not valued there.

He's been told!

LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

PASSOVER, DEATH and PAST FORM

The recent death of a colleague's relative at an early age (in this modern world), prompted a recollection of a period in my life when mortality was at the forefront of my mind. The death of my mother, at 49, when I was 28, knocked me for six and though her death was expected (over several years), her final descent was shocking in its rapidity. I had learned, by that time in my life, that to "dump" emotions onto a page; as a poem or "non-poem", could be both surprising and cathartic, and that a page could be a non judgemental friend, an emotional mirror and a generator of inner calm. At this time, religious themes were present, though I have always regarded myself as agnostic.

The following words are from that period ......

PASSOVER

In all life there is death,
in all death life.
In life the fear of death,
in death the death of fear.
God's speed.


DEATH

The inevitability
of the blind-date with death
is a man's solace in life
a final escape
to a permanent engagement
and marriage in the house of God.

PAST FORM

If I die before I live,
bury me not in vain:
for I've had my chances,
loves and romances.
But passed them all away.
LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

 

A MEMORY

Shimmering blue-green lagoons of tranquillity

stared into space,

and wondered,

am I a good Christian?

Moist and supple lips of sensuality

mouthed to the world

need I do more?

and I answered no,

for I thought that,

and I loved you;

and you kissed me.

There was more to this ...

LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

LETTER TO A FRIEND

We have felt it before;

to others we have opened our being,

souls and hearts,

and it hurts

when it ends,

a duet of hearts

coming to a close

for the entrance of loneliness,

the opening of old memories

and wounds,

giving up the puss of remembrance

and self-pity;

but not for us!

lest we scrutinise this bondage,

picking its meat

'till skeletal, lifeless fact remains;

for mystique and mutual unspoken understanding

still warms our hearts;

to nurture love and truth

as one.

Ups and downs,

backwards and forwards: a child on a swing,

mother waiting anxious for his return to ground;

I may swing with moods

but I must come down

to walk on the ground beside you.

               A temporary break may be best ...

There was more to this ...

LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU 

FEELINGS

This poem of mine was recorded by the band Kraftberk101 who sent me a copy that I have since misplaced. Performed in a trance like monotone it is a hypnotic chiller. If I come across the CD I'll let you hear it.

 

I thought my love was underhand.

But how wrong.

So wrong.

For it welled up and filled my soul.

Fast: 'till I could not hold.

And how it came I cannot explain.

But I am glad.

Glad that it came.

Glad but sad that my love,

my mixed-up feelings could never be.

I tried to show,

without flamboyance.

With discretion.

Without embarrassment,

my feelings for you,

and about you.

I did not know.

I do not know if you knew or saw.

But I longed for you to see me there.

To pluck my line and tow me in.

To give to me what I would give.

To recognise me, as I did thee.

This I thought before we met,

really met I mean,

when I told, or try to tell,

of all that I did feel.

You listened.

You stayed.

You heard what I tried to say.

And thought;

not laughed or brushed words aside.

Thought and answered.

And listening to you I understood,

that subject matter it should not bloom.

That regard should remain.

That friendship live.

And for this I do thank you.

Love is a fearsome master

LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL

UNFINISHED (Gonna Get To You)

This poem inspired the track "Gonna Get To You" by the band Kraftberk101, who sent me a copy that I have since misplaced. Performed in an industrial-techno sort of way, the track lyrics differ from this poem and are darkly ambivalent, unlike the poem which I think is forthright and easy to interpret. If I come across the CD I'll let you have the track and its lyrics. Hear it here...

(An actor)

Your sickness is inside of you

trapped within your head,
distraught with insecurities,
irrational instabilities
are signs I always dread.

With childish eyes - implicit faith
to me you'd run in pain,
I'd never know our meeting place
you called - I always came.
Your breath it smelled of medication
your hair of almond oil,
clothes dishevelled,
yellowing teeth,
the outside world was seen through me.

I do not hate you.
I did not let them see you die.
I never left you Chessy.
My love it could not lie.

I stood by you Largactil bound
tried to prove you wrong,
bought you a hat so you wouldn't burn
walking in the sun.
Through slurring speech,
fantastic thoughts,
I loved you then so strong,
determination every day;
"let nothing more go wrong".

Time has passed and you've struggled back
but here we stand again,
the crossroads from which this time;
we'll follow different lanes.

Personal comment - the poem above is from my real life. It covers a frightening and traumatic time for both of us; for myself, the helpless and useless and emotionally attached boyfriend riddled by guilt and years of nightmares.

For 30years we had this common secret, but a chance meeting gave up forgiveness and resolution by a recovered patient, happily married with two children.

On our medically dictated route there were good times and very bad and along the way numerous notes (poems) were written by me. I now feel free to let you see some.

LOVE HURTS (TROUBLED TIMES)

If you think of dying

don't leave me alone,

tell me in the morning,

or warn me on the phone.

If you want to leave this world,

just want to get away,

I think I'd like to come along,

but maybe not today.

If you want to leave me

try to tell me why,

so I can understand you,

as I begin to die.

Though you have your troubles

and suffering we are,

call me anyway,

we'll chat in the car.

Above all else,

and this is paramount,

know you are my Chessy

and loved without a doubt.

There was a short period of rationality but soon enough a relapse that was as unexpected as it was rapid. I was quickly and abruptly appraised of an uncertain prognosis. 

FALLEN ANGEL

A broken angel,

down on one wing,

first lost resilience

then entered a spin.

Crashing to earth,

dazed and confused,

she patched up the crack

alighted and flew.

But seeming quite healed,

the crack reappeared,

and she crashed to the ground

worse than was feared.

The angel is down,

the angel is down,

someone please help me;

my angel is down.

We tried; continuing to have ups and downs and even spoke of splitting up, but loyalty to each other over-rode what we both (I think) knew was happening.

LETTER TO A FRIEND

We have felt it before;

to others we have opened our being,

souls and hearts,

and it hurts

when it ends,

a duet of hearts

coming to a close

for the entrance of loneliness,

the opening of old memories

and wounds,

giving up the puss of remembrance

and self-pity;

but not for us!

lest we scrutinise this bondage,

picking its meat

'till skeletal, lifeless fact remains;

for mystique and mutual unspoken understanding

still warms our hearts;

to nurture love and truth

as one.

Ups and downs,

backwards and forwards: a child on a swing,

mother waiting anxious for his return to ground;

I may swing with moods

but I must come down

to walk on the ground beside you.

Our difficulties continued for a year and I began to go down with our ship. I knew I wanted to jump but thought I would be judged a bad person for what self-preservation wanted me to do; I saw no improvement however and decided it all had to stop. I needed to walk and I felt a right bastard afterwards.  AFTERMATH came to me when I needed to concentrate on a new (life long) career.

AFTERMATH

I can see us drifting apart,

I can see a fond farewell,

a bitter-sweet

on a screen in the back of my mind.

I feel sorrow deep inside

apprehensive and tense,

not wanting a conclusion

for fear of an awful truth,

not knowing what will happen,

not knowing what I want to happen.

I feel lonely,

a spectator at my own loss

as the wedge of uncertainly

drives us apart.

With the final split, an anger born out of a depression joined me for months; this anti-woman piece became my mantra and I cared not for anything or anyone.

DEPRESSION TALKS

For the twisting of feelings,

the deceptive ease of use;

for the guilt I've felt

and the switchback affair,

and festering resentment in its throes of death.

For all this

and fears of uncertainty;

womankind I dismiss.

Life was bad at this time, a long time ago, and this poem with others of its ilk were all written around the same time;  I am revealing them now as I look back, with the original emotion(s) neatly and securely "boxed away".

WHAT'S THE POINT?

The point of life seems to be to get by.

To move from day to day,

wandering to a time of longing.

Nothing seems controllable anymore,

I seem to mime other people's wishes,

and wonder where I've gone.

Ambitions, love or happiness and caring,

all blunted, bludgeoned and twisted to coarseness

as dictation moulds my life and bolsters my sadness.

After I walked away, an act of self-defence, the sorrow eased, then this memory of a happier time came to mind; melancholic but somehow comforting.

A MEMORY

Shimmering blue-green lagoons of tranquillity

stared into space,

and wondered,

Am I a good Christian?

Moist and supple lips of sensuality

mouthed to the world

need I do more?

and I answered no,

for I thought that,

and I loved you;

and you kissed me.

LAURENCEAUX England LAURENCEAU Lawrenceaux LAWRENCEAU Laureanceaux LAURANCEAU Lawranceaux LAWRANCEAU Loranceaux LORANCEAU Lorranceaux LORRANCEAU POETRY Prose POEMS Social Comments HUMOUR Humerous SMILE Smiling LAUGH Laughing LAFF Laffing CYNICAL Truism TRUISMS Welcome HULL Kingston-Upon-Hull Kingston Upon Hull KINGSTON-ON-HULL Kingston On Hull YORKSHIRE East Yorkshire HUMBERSIDE Yorkshire DEPRESSION ThisISUll FED-UP Pissed-Off LONELY Disgruntled DISSOLUSIONED Blue BLACK Thinking BLOG Blogger LYONEL